The Trials and Tribulations of Being a Goody Goody
by Nicole11
Summary: “Wotcher, Drake!” Tonks said happily. “Watch—who?” Draco asked.' Draco goes to his cousin Tonks' house to change his Death Eating ways--but then Harry and Company come into the mix. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

The Trials and Tribulations of Being a Goody-Goody  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill, but for all those newbies, let me summarize: Me own nothing. J.K. Rowling own everything. You no sue.

* * *

Chapter 1: Watch Her  
  
Draco Malfoy stood on the doorstep of 12 Grimmauld Place with Dumbledore at his side as the sky behind them grew steadily black. Tentatively, he grabbed the serpent shaped door knocker, and banged it against the black door with peeling paint. Draco couldn't help but wrinkle his nose in disgust at the state of the house.  
  
"Coming," came a woman's voice from inside. There was the sound of footsteps, then a loud crash and quiet muttering. Draco looked up questionably at the beaming Dumbledore, wondering if it'd just be better if he ran for it. But just then the door opened to reveal a pixie-like woman with short pink hair and a huge smile.  
  
"Good afternoon, Tonks," Dumbledore said fondly, bowing slightly at the woman. "I imagine you've been expecting us."  
  
"Oh, is this him?" Tonks asked, looking down at Draco with fondness. It made him feel slightly like a puppy. "I haven't seen him since he was a baby," she said to Dumbledore before turning back to Draco again. "Wotcher, Drake!"  
  
"Watch—who?" Draco asked, too puzzled to mention how he would personally see to it that her face looked like a Picasso painting if she called him 'Drake' again.  
  
"Wotch-er," she said slowly, laughing. Looking at her like she belonged in St. Mungo's, Draco wondered how he got himself into this.  
  
It had been the end of his seventh year that Draco decided to take control of his life. He didn't want to become a Death Eater like the rest of his damned family, but knew that he'd be forced to no matter what. So, like all troubled Hogwarts students, he went to Dumbledore.  
  
"I came to—er—ask for your help." Draco began lamely once he had sat down in front of Dumbledore's desk.  
  
"I've been waiting all year for this conversation, Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore said with his trademark twinkling eyes.  
  
And so he had. The man was so obsessive compulsive that he had already planned a place for Draco to stay instead of Malfoy Manor, confirmed it with the owner, and had the house elves packing his things as he spoke.  
  
"Now, the only thing left to do is for you to agree to stay with your cousin." Dumbledore said calmly.  
  
Completely overcome with the amount of work this man had done, Draco simply said, "What cousin?"  
  
"Nympadora Tonks," Dumbledore said, slightly surprised when Draco just stared at him blankly. "Daughter of your aunt Andromeda—your mother's sister." More blank stares.  
  
"You are...feeling alright, sir?" Draco asked cautiously. The man must be crazy, Draco had no cousins—and he barely even knew anything about his aunt Andromeda, just that she married a muggle and was to be talked about with distain by the Malfoy/Black family.  
  
Suddenly, Dumbledore hit himself on the head, causing Draco to jump slightly in his seat.  
  
"Of _course_ you have no idea what I'm talking about!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "How would you when your family disowned Andromeda?"  
  
"...I—I don't know, sir." Draco said quietly, so surprised by the outburst that he didn't know the question was rhetorical.  
  
So, Draco had a cousin and—although, for all he knew she could be an axe murderer—he was going to stay with her till he could find a place for himself.  
  
But not everything was as bad as it seemed. At least he'd be staying in a nice house because—although this Nymphadora had been disowned—she must still have _some_ Black money.  
  
Of course, these comforting hopes came crashing down as soon as Draco laid eyes on this 12 Grimmauld Place. And the woman inside was nothing like he expected. Not even a strand of blonde hair! No wonder she'd been disowned.  
  
"I think tomorrow, at the meeting, we shall initiate him into the Order of the Phoenix with the rest." Dumbledore said softly to Tonks before bidding them goodnight.  
  
Draco looked at the spot where Dumbledore had just Disapparated from. He had no idea what the hell the Order of the Phoenix was. All he knew was that phoenixes burst into flames at times, which made Draco wonder with horror if this 'initiation' involved fire. He prayed to the gods that it didn't, seeing as he'd go up in flames within seconds due to all of the flammable hair products he used.  
  
Tonks showed Draco to his room—which was on the fourth floor of the five story house. She made sure to tell him in a whisper not to make much noise around the painting of Mrs. Black, and then promptly tripped over her own feet, sending the portrait into hysterics.  
  
After a quarter of an hour of shouting about dirty Mudbloods and filthy halfbreeds, Mrs. Black was finally silenced when Draco and Tonks managed to get the curtains over her closed.  
  
"Well, here's your room," Tonks said, levitating Draco's luggage across the threshold and setting it on his bed.  
  
"Thanks, Nymphadora." Draco said offhand, feeling like he'd just called her something rude when he took a look at her face.  
  
"It's Tonks, Drake," she said, seeming to have a hard time keeping her cool.  
  
"And it's Draco, Tonks." Draco pointed out.  
  
"Right," she said, smiling. "Well, see you in the morning, _Draco_."

* * *

Draco woke up around eleven in the afternoon, much later then usual for a Malfoy. And, although this house was as shabby as they got (save for the Weasley house, perhaps), their beds were damn comfortable. Draco lay in his for a good fifteen minutes with his eyes wide open but his body refusing to move.  
  
Finally, after hearing a rather loud crash from downstairs—announcing that Tonks was indeed up—Draco got up, ran a brush through his infamous hair, and got dressed.  
  
As Draco was descending the stair case to the first floor, he noticed someone that he'd never seen before by the fireplace. Her back was turned toward him, and she was bent over a laundry basket on the ground. Draco could tell from the long black hair that she was definitely not Tonks. So, like all Malfoy's who see a stranger in their house, Draco pulled out his wand and began to approach the creature slowly. Once he was within poking distance Draco—well—poked her with the tip of his wand. This was, of course, the lamest attempt of protecting himself ever, but he honestly didn't know what else to do.  
  
The woman turned around so quickly that she stumbled over the basket she'd been tending to. After a quick recovery, she spoke.  
  
"Wotcher, Drake! What are you doing?" She asked, going cross eyed as she tried to look at the wand pointed in between her eyes.  
  
Draco faltered, thinking quickly. Repetitive tripping, the unnecessary mutilation of his name, and that Cockney corruption of the words 'What cheer'... it couldn't be—  
  
"Tonks?" Draco said, quickly putting his wand away and helping his cousin up.  
  
"Who did you expect?" she laughed.  
  
"But you—you look—" he stuttered, staring at her violet colored eyes.  
  
"Oh, I didn't tell you that I'm a Metamorphmagus?" she chucked. "Hm, must have slipped my mind."  
  
"Fancy that," Draco said sarcastically, still goggling at her change of appearance. "So you can just change whenever you want?"  
  
"Pretty cool, huh?" Tonks said, raising her jet black eyebrows.  
  
"It's more then cool!" Draco said with a new found fascination. "That means you could've changed to look older and get alcohol when you were, like, ten!"  
  
Tonks laughed, ruffling Draco's blonde hair, much to his annoyance, playfully saying, "you..."  
  
"Me." Draco said in a mockingly playful voice, smiling.  
  
"Come on," she said, still chuckling as she pushed him gently in the direction of the kitchen. "Let's get a spot of breakfast, shall we?"  
  
Once they had both walked down into the basement where the kitchen was, Tonks immediately went to the stove, determined to make breakfast, as Draco quickly looked around.  
  
"So, what's on the agenda for today?" he asked, throwing himself into one of the many chairs that bordered the kitchen table. "Besides you constantly changing your appearance, of course," Draco added, watching as Tonks changed her hair into a blonde bob after singeing the tips of her formally long locks on the stove.  
  
Ignoring his second comment, she said, "Well, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are coming this afternoon, and then—"  
  
"I'm sorry; I thought you _wanted_ me to stay here." Draco said pointedly. "You don't need to have the Golden Trio come and evict me; I know when I'm not wanted."  
  
"Now, Draco, I know you don't like them—"  
  
"There's an understatement," Draco muttered.  
  
"But that's all part of being on this side. You have to make friends; otherwise they'll never accept you." Tonks finished sternly.  
  
"Snape never made friends, and he's perfectly accepted." Draco muttered stubbornly.  
  
"Snape gets pummeled with spitwads and dungbombs during our meetings," she said seriously.  
  
Draco sat sulking in his chair as Tonks struggled to make scrambled eggs. 'Being good is stupid,' he thought angrily. 'When you're a Death Eater, you can be as anti-social as you want without anyone giving it a second thought. And being all chummy with Potter is definitely discouraged... maybe I made the wrong career choice—if you can call being a goody-goody a career.'

* * *

A/N: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :) 


	2. Draco's Advanced Vocabulary

You know the drill, but for all those newbies, let me summarize: Me own nothing. J.K. Rowling own everything. You no sue.

* * *

Chapter 2: Draco's Advanced Vocabulary  
  
After forcing down the scrambled eggs that were—for some odd reason—green, Draco decided that the best thing to do was hide while Potter and his friends were in the house. It wasn't the courageous thing to do, but apparently goody-goodies didn't have a great abundance of courage.  
  
But he had only gotten to the first floor and was heading for the next staircase when something stopped him—namely—a series of loud popping noises and three bodies appearing out of thin air right in front of him. Draco stumbled but, having been blessed with more balance then Tonks, he managed to catch himself before he fell to the ground.  
  
"Malfoy," was all that Potter said as he glared at his arch nemesis—as utterly cliché as it was.  
  
"Oh, is it the afternoon already?" Draco asked, checking his watch as the three Gryffindors did what they did best—stare. "What a shame, I was just about to leave."  
  
"Dumbledore said that you'd be here," Weasley said, seeming to only talk because he wanted to be recognized. Either that or he truly believed that Draco cared.  
  
"Dumbledore—always the barer of good news, eh?" Draco said, smirking. Harry, Ron, and Hermione just stood there, glaring at him.  
  
"As fun as this little get-together is," Draco said sarcastically. "I'm gonna leave."  
  
He stepped around them, ignoring as the three pairs of eyes followed him. He had just made it to the fireplace, a few paces away, when a red- headed girl appeared in it, surrounded by green flames and scaring the bejesus out of Draco.  
  
"Merlin!" He exclaimed, hating how the last people he wanted to see kept popping up everywhere. "What, are you people ubiquitous or something?"  
  
There was a small silence.  
  
"Whoa," Ron said, seriously befuddled. "Big word."  
  
"He's probably just overcompensating for something," Hermione muttered.  
  
'Wow,' Draco thought. 'Did Granger just make a penis joke—albeit, a bad penis joke—but a penis joke none the less. That's a huge surprise, seeing as the only words that usually come out of her little Mudblood mouth are useless facts or, "Ron, stop looking up my skirt!" ...okay, so I've never actually _heard_ her say it, but I bet she's screaming it all the time in the Gryffindor common room.'  
  
After a Mudblood comment he'd used at least ten times already, Draco pushed past the lot of them and headed upstairs—much faster then normal, of course, because both Weasley and Potter looked ready to kill.  
  
Draco thought of trying to floo off to Diagon Alley as an escape from this hell hole, but then he remembered how Dumbledore had told him to stay in the house for a few days, and Draco knew Tonks would castrate him if he tried it anyway.  
  
So, he decided to hang out in his room until the house was Potter- free. Aware that this might take a few hours (the boy really didn't know when he wasn't wanted), Draco decided to look around Tonks' room for a book to read. He wasn't exactly sure what most of them were about (they were muggle books), so Draco concluded that picking the one with the best title was a wise choice.  
  
"Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and can't tell where to find them," Draco read out loud from a book entitled _Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes_. Raising his eyebrows, Draco stared at the book critically before muttering, "I'll never understand muggle literature," and turning the page.  
  
"I Love Little Pussy," Draco read slowly before a sly smirk crept its way onto his face. "Ooo, this one's dirty!"  
  
Half way through the rhyme, once Draco found out that said pussy was actually a cat—causing him to loose interest quickly—his thoughts were interrupted by a loud argument downstairs.  
  
"And the golden couple are at it again," Draco muttered to himself, referring to Ron and Hermione.  
  
He couldn't make out the words—all he heard was a high-pitched yelling ("That must be Weasley,") and screaming that could only be produced by a banshee. Then some stomping on the stairs and a door slammed nearby.  
  
Shaking his head and trying to forget about all of the teen angst those two produced, Draco continued with his reading.  
  
"I am a pretty little Dutch girl," he began, reading the next rhyme with enthusiasm in an attempt to show no one in particular just how ridiculous he thought these muggle poems were. "As pretty as I can be. And all the boys in the neighborhood, are crazy over me."  
  
"I never knew you were Dutch, Malfoy," came a voice from the doorway. Draco's heart stopped suddenly, and he slowly looked up to find Potter standing there with Weasley, both looking unnaturally smug.  
  
'Ah, shit," Draco thought to himself, feeling his face go red with embarrassment. How the hell was he supposed to intimidate his way out of this?  
  
So, in panic mode now, Draco threw every insult he could muster at them, although they slightly lost their effect when his voice cracked in the middle of calling Weasley's mom a fat whore.  
  
Disgraced by his lack of intimidation, Draco bolted from the room, managing to trip over Potter's foot in the process.  
  
Wanting desperately to get away from the scene of his humiliation, Draco quickly slipped into the nearest room and shut the door.  
  
"Those stupid, cocky, sons of—" Draco stopped mid-insult when he turned around to find a bushy haired creature sitting on the floor with her head in her hands.  
  
'Okay,' Draco thought, groping behind himself for the doorknob. 'Just walk out slowly. She probably didn't even hear me over her own constant sobbing.'  
  
But just then Ron and Harry walked by the door, laughing loudly about the pretty little Dutch girl they'd just run into.  
  
'Bastards,' Draco thought angrily as Hermione lifted her head and spotted him.  
  
"What do you want, Malfoy?" she asked, wiping her face furiously.  
  
'I guess now is as good a time as any to make some new friends,' Draco thought bitterly, taking a step toward Hermione.  
  
"I...er...what's—what's wrong with you, Granger?" he asked, the statement coming out a bit more hostile then he'd intended.  
  
"Why do you care?" she asked angrily, hugging her knees to her chest and sniffling.  
  
"Er—because—because I do. I mean—what kind of a question is that?" Draco said, mentally kicking himself. 'Comfort her, you idiot, don't patronize her!'  
  
"I thought I was just a Mudblood." Hermione muttered.  
  
"Well—well you are." He said, before quickly adding, "But you're also a girl—and a crying girl at that. And although these kinds of situations make me terribly uncomfortable, there's no backing out now, is there?" Draco said, kneeling down beside her but making sure there was at least a few feet between them. The last thing he needed was to accidentally touch Granger and give her the impression that snogging him would be a good idea.  
  
"So, what's wrong?" Draco asked, pulling off a great I-care voice that would make any psychiatrist jealous.  
  
"It's just..." Hermione said, sniffing loudly and wiping her nose on the back of her hand. "It's Ron."  
  
"Pulling your pigtails and calling you names still, eh?" Draco smirked, pulling out a handkerchief and handing it to her. "Wait till he hits puberty; it'll pass."  
  
"I wish he'd hurry up," she muttered.  
  
"Want me to punch him in the balls and tell him to get a move on?" Draco asked, looking for any reason to cause immoral pain to Weasley.  
  
Hermione hesitated.  
  
"I don't think I want you anywhere near his balls," she said seriously.  
  
"Right, because that's where you belong," Draco smirked, loving the disgusted look on Hermione's face.  
  
"Oi, Draco!" came Tonks' voice from downstairs. "Come here for a second!"  
  
"There's my cue." He said, rising and heading for the door.  
  
"Thank Merlin," Hermione muttered. "Hey," she said suddenly, holding up the handkerchief. "You want this back?"  
  
"No thanks," Draco replied mildly. "You know; Mudblood slime and all that."  
  
"Asshole," Hermione muttered, but not sounding nearly as offended as she has in the past.  
  
Draco went down the stairs, two at a time, happy with himself for at least making an effort to be accepted. Tonks would be pleased, as would Dumbledore—and Merlin knows that life just can't go on if Dumbledore's upset with you.  
  
After searching the first floor thoroughly, managing to tiptoe past the painting of Mrs. Black, and finally decided to look in the kitchen. He found Tonks right away, standing by the kitchen table with her hair short, purple and spiky, and her eyes blue and nervous.  
  
"How do I look?" she asked with an uncertain smile. She stopped wringing her hands long enough to hold them out, showing off her ripped jeans and black top.  
  
"How am I supposed to know, you're my cousin." Draco replied mildly, grabbing an apple off of the table and taking a bit out of it. "I refuse to give in to the temptations of incest."  
  
"You great prat," Tonks said, looking annoyed. "A load of help you are."  
  
"Why the change in—well—everything?" Draco asked curiously.  
  
Tonks blushed, muttering, "Well, the Order is meeting tonight, and—"  
  
"What potential suitor is coming?" he teased.  
  
Tonks ignored him and began to list off the people in the Order.  
  
"Well, Dumbledore—"  
  
"Oh, after the old guys now, are you?" Draco smirked.  
  
"—and Remus, and Mad-Eye, and Snape, and the Weasleys, and..." she paused, blushing scarlet. "Bill."  
  
"Ahhh," Draco said knowingly. "Do I detect a hint of love in those ever-changing eyes of yours?"  
  
"Stop it, you." Tonks said, practically glowing red as she hit Draco playfully. "Anyways, what I wanted to tell you was that you are going to have to hide upstairs with the rest while we have the meeting."  
  
"What 'rest'?" Draco asked suspiciously, fearing the answer.  
  
"You know who I mean," Tonks said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"If you expect me to be in the same room as Potter and Company for more then ten seconds, then you might as well throw me to the Death Eaters now because I'd rather be torn apart by them then listen to Potter and Weasley's stimulating conversations about how girls have cooties." Draco finished, crossing his arms.  
  
"Oh, come on, Draco, you won't be up there long." Tonks pleaded. "We're just going to have a ten minute meeting before you, Harry, Ron, and Hermione can come in and be initiated."  
  
"You won't set my head on fire, will you?" Draco asked pathetically, recalling his thoughts of this so called 'initiation.'  
  
"Not unless you're being a bigger prat then usual." Tonks said kindly.

* * *

NOTE: Just so y'all know, I'm gonna **update every Wednesday**. That way it's not, like, totally at random.  
  
**chickflick004**: Yea, I know, that had me thinking too. I bet Tonks did have blonde hair before she started changing and everything. And probably gray eyes too. I bet she was a female Draco!  
  
**Herbie**: One of my most loyal reviewers! Hooray! Glad you liked it and, although this isn't a Draco/Harry romance fic, I bet you can totally sense the sexual tension between them. I mean, Harry's all "I didn't know you were Dutch" and Draco's all blushing cause he's 'embarrassed'—but, in all reality, we know that he's really just blushing cause Harry's so God damn hot!... anyways, no Harry/Draco slashiness, but Draco will be kissing someone...oooo, cliffy! Muahahaha!!!!  
  
**Foags**: Yay! Another one of my muchos loyal reviewers! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! Totally cool. Now, I've been wanting to say this to you for the longest time, so here goes: Whyyyyyyy?!?! Friends! Gone! How could they Foags, how could they!? Now, I know it's been—what?—a couple of months, but that doesn't mean the fact that no more Friends totally sucks bananas in pajamas. I mean, where the hell am I suppose to get all of my great lines now? Will I have to recycle my old lines I used from the show, or will Joey (the show) be just as funny and worthy of copying? sigh anyways, now that that's over, I just have one more thing to say. R.I.P. Friends, R.I.freaking.P.  
  
**Paige**: Yea, I know, I'll probably never write something better then "Perks", but hey, I'll try. So glad you like it, and "Perks" too!  
  
**Actrez**: Hi!!!! I'm so happy that you like this story—though, I gotta tell you, it wasn't much of a surprise since you read it before I posted it and were all, "Totally book", so I wasn't expecting a flame or anything. breaths Anyways! Good luck on getting more ideas for your currently posted story and the other one you're working one! Hopefully my computer won't go all 'gr' again, but if it does, all well, I'm sure you can just read the chapter to me over the phone! Heehee.  
  
**Krystal1989**: Aw, you're so nice! sigh I'm blushing. I hope you continue to like this one!  
  
**Samilia**: Thanks so much for the helpful comments. I'll try really hard to keep the dialogue in character, and hopefully this will be my first fic that doesn't have anyone OOC! I have such the tendency to do that.

* * *

A/N: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :) 


	3. Watching the Oompa Loompa

Disclaimer: You know the drill, but for all those newbies, let me summarize: Me own nothing. J.K. Rowling own everything. You no sue.

* * *

Chapter 3: Watching the Oopma Loompa  
  
Draco sat with Tonks in the kitchen for a while, taunting her about her crush on Bill. Once he'd run out of all the good material, Draco just sang, "Tonks and Bill, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." She endured his teasing for much longer then expected, before putting a muting charm on him and only removing it once Order members started arriving.  
  
As soon as the doorbell rang, and Mrs. Black's screams echoed throughout the house, Tonks dashed upstairs. Draco just stood up from his chair, pacing slightly and wondering what he should do with himself. He couldn't go upstairs, because there'd be people, and that might just lead to forced small talk—which was a big no-no in the Malfoy family.  
  
Before he could decide what to do, Draco heard footsteps and turned to find Tonks descending the kitchen stairs.  
  
"Decided I'm more fun then those Order blokes, eh?" he smirked. "Bill must not be here yet."  
  
Tonks rolled her eyes at him and said something very quickly. He could have sworn that one of the words sounded like 'babysit.'  
  
"Come again?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I told Janice—she's part of the Order—that you'd watch her daughter Cathryn while we were having the meeting." Tonks said, smiling innocently. "You don't mind, do you?"  
  
"Do I _look_ maternal to you?" Draco asked acidly.  
  
Tonks opened her mouth, ready to respond, when she was distracted by a slight tug on her jeans.  
  
A small six-year-old girl with short black hair and round, doe-like brown eyes stared up at her.  
  
"You must be Cathryn!" Tonks said with far more excitement then was necessary, in Draco's opinion.  
  
Cathryn just stood there, her eyes not blinking, as she stared at Tonks, who had kneeled down to her height. Finally, she spoke, voicing the age-old question that every six-year-old secretly ponders. And, no, it wasn't, 'Where's Waldo?'  
  
"Where do babies come from?" Cathryn asked in a high pitched, Oompa Loompa voice. Draco looked to Tonks, wondering just how she was going to talk her way out of this one.  
  
"Well," Tonks began calmly, screwing up her face in thought. "_Technically_ they come out of the mommy. But what I _think_ you're trying to ask is how they're made. It all starts with a man and a woman who both have functioning genitalia. And by that I mean—"  
  
"Are you trying to corrupt the poor little midget?" Draco asked with disgust, motioning toward Cathryn. With a sigh, he pushed Tonks out of the way and kneeled in front of the girl.  
  
"As far as children your age are concerned, babies come from the stork." He said seriously, looking at the small child whose eyes, if it was possible, had gotten considerably rounder since Tonks started talking. "Now go play tag or something productive like that." He said, sending Cathryn away.  
  
Turning to Tonks, he said, "Please promise me you'll never have children."  
  
"What?" Tonks said, honestly puzzled. "She asked a question and I answered it."  
  
"In gruesome detail." Draco added. "Do you know what the word 'subtle' means?"  
  
Tonks rolled her eyes. "She'd find out sooner or later, and I don't want her getting the wrong information. Now, thanks to me, she won't go around thinking for half of her prepubescent life that she can get pregnant from kissing."  
  
"But that's what they're _supposed_ to think!" Draco said incredibly.  
  
"You're so old-fashioned, Drake." She said, rolling her eyes once more before exiting the kitchen.  
  
Trying to take out the rage produced by that damned nickname, Draco kicked a nearby chair only to have it ricochet off of the wall back at him. Amidst the stream of curses he let out, Draco heard a quiet giggling. Looking up, he saw that damned midget standing in the doorway, laughing at his pain with her tiny hand over her mouth. And, with further investigation, it seemed the Weasley girl was standing behind the midget, doing the same thing.  
  
Draco began to fix them with his all famous glare, but suddenly, noticing the ink stains on Ginny's fingers, he smirked.  
  
"Been writing to Riddle again, have you?" he asked innocently.  
  
"_Fuck_ you, Malfoy." Ginny said through gritted teeth.  
  
"Language, Weasley," Draco said smugly, nodding toward the seemingly oblivious child in front of her.  
  
Ginny advanced on him, saying angrily, "I don't understand why Tonks let you stay."  
  
Draco rolled his eyes, focusing on the painting just to the right of Ginny's head so as to not let his mind stray from the fight at hand. For, you see, foreign and very unwelcome thoughts continued to invade his brain, such as; 'Why haven't I noticed how she looks nearly decent up close?' quickly followed by, 'Ah, right, because she's a _Weasley_.'  
  
"Tonks listened to all of us complain about you," Ginny continued. "We told her how horrible you are, and she still let you stay here."  
  
"What'd I ever do to you?" Draco asked curiously. Ginny began to open her mouth soundlessly, looking slightly stumped. "I mean, what'd I do to you that you complained about?"  
  
"Well," she said suddenly. "You were horrible to Harry, and—"  
  
"Oh, Potter." Draco spat. "Of course—you hate me because _he_ hates me. And heaven forbid you should disagree with him."  
  
"You act as if I'm obsessed with him or something." She said with disgust.  
  
"...yea, pretty much," Draco smirked. Ginny mouthed wordlessly, but Draco refused to look at her lips, afraid of the thoughts that might enter his head.  
  
"I'm not, like, some little dog that follows Harry around, nodding my head along with everything he says!" she said, outraged.  
  
"I bet you've never done something that The-Boy-Who-Lived wouldn't approve of." Draco said, finally looking at Ginny and surprised to find a kind of fire burning in her eyes.  
  
Before he could say something else, Ginny grabbed his face with both of her hands and kissed him.  
  
Draco was just recovering from the shock of having this girl attached to his mouth, and was about to show the little Weasley just how talented he really was, when she pulled back with a satisfied look on her face.  
  
"Harry wouldn't approve of that," she said triumphantly, seeming oblivious to the shocked look on Draco's face.  
  
"You're right, I wouldn't." came a voice from the doorway. Both Ginny and Draco turned around to find Harry standing there, red in the face. Ginny let out a small squeak, and Draco just smiled.  
  
This whole being-good thing was going to be more fun then he thought.

* * *

Wow, I just noticed how I was totally italic-obsessed during this chapter. I need to go to Obsessive Italic-Users Anonymous meetings with Hermione. Anyways, I literally just got back from my trip to jolly old England, so you lot better appreciate me updating on time! Anyways, on with the thank yous :)  
  
**shelly2**: Wonderful guessing job! Of course, this probably the most amount of lines she's getting—except for maybe the beginning of the next chapter. Oh, and I love you. Just thought I'd throw that in. The reason? Because, of course, Ginny is _indeed_ Draco's lobster, and Friend quotes are _indeed_ the way to my heart.  
  
**Phredtheflyingmonkey**: ::blushes:: thank you! By the way, I simply lover your name. Fred is my favorite twin—no reason why, really, I suppose it's just easier for my to spell—and monkeys are cool. But flying monkeys? Genius!... er—forgive me. I've been up for over 24 hours...damn jetlag!  
  
**Samilia**: Aw, it makes me happy that I can write Draco's bastard-ness realistically. Heehee, I try. And, ya know, being the wonderfully pleasant girl that I am, it's awful hard to be bastard-ish. Gee wiz Beaver, you're keen!... ::ahem:: , sorry.  
  
**Paige**: Glad you liked the nursery rhymes! The sad thing is, I actually spent an hour searching the internet for odd nursery rhymes by Mother Goose. I have no life. Sorry Draco's a bit OOC—it's a sickness, honest. I'm trying though, so at least he's in character some times. I actually have such a twisted view of Draco (brought on by reading and writing too many OOC fics, and having a slight obsession with Tom Felton) that I don't know when he's in or out of character. So thanks for pointing out, cause then I can figure out when I made it OOC. BTW: that'd be so funny if "Perks" was a movie! It probably wouldn't work without the HP characters though. ::sigh::  
  
**Blatant** **Discontent**: heehee, funny name. ::ahem:: anyways, yea, sorry it's not everyday. I'm ashamed. I shall hang my head in shame. ::does so:: .... ::stops, cause it's hard to write when you can't see the screen:: ... erm, anyways, I'm glad you highly enjoyed yourself! That's what I'm here for.  
  
**Christine**: Thanks! I'm glad you like it, and I promise on my mother's grave (which doesn't exist, seeing as she's still alive) that I'll update every Wednesday. 'Course, there's only one chapter left—but all well!  
  
**Herbie**: IT'S GINNY!!!!.... ::cough:: er—sorry. But, yea, it's not Harry. Los ciento. Though, that would be a cool twist. Hm.... "New shoes, new shoes/Oh life seems so much better/In some brand new patent leather/Guaranteed to shine away your blues/Even on credit, I never regret it/I just adore new shoes."....um, yea, sorry. I'm listening to Deirdre Flint, and I just bought new shoes. Not a good mix. Please ignore me.  
  
**Helen88UK**: Glad you like this story, AND that you liked the Perks of Getting Knocked Up! BTW: I like your song fic Behind Blue Eyes. The first time I heard that song I was like, "DRACO!!!!!" ::sob::  
  
**Actrez**: "What's the difference between a scar and a mole?" "Are you seriously asking me this question?" –heehee, my Jessica moment!... I totally remember when dad made us green eggs!!!...it was kinda gross...i didn't eat them.... Dr. Suess was probably on crack when he wrote it... and ubiquitous is totally your word! EVERYONE! UBIQUITOUS IS ACTREZ'S WORD!!!!... heeehee, there, I gave you credit. :-)  
  
**ChickFlick004**: heehee, yea, the comforting Hermione scene was actually the first one I wrote, and then the story came off of it—so I'm glad you liked it! And, just like I told Paige, I have no life, so I spent an hour searching the depths of the internet for strange Mother Goose rhymes. There were actually a lot of weird ones, but the Pretty Little Dutch Girl one was mi favorite :-)  
  
**zeldagrl436**: Thanks! Glad you like it! And, without further ado, another Deidre Flint song (because I have a weird obsession): Oh, ho, I'm single and I'm not hearing voices!!/You say that cause you're jealous of all the fun I've had/Wait, I'm not single. I've got some special friends now/We live in here together and I don't feel so bad/I have a female soul mate, her name is Emily/Don't tell me you don't see her, she's standing next to me/And she doesn't call me sick or weird or deranged mentally/Just cause I'm single.  
  
**Foags**: Did you guess that it'd be Ginny? If not, then shame on you! If so, then hooray! If I had a cookie, you'd totally get it... if you have noticed, I have been giving random people Deidre Flint lyrics instead of random rambling like usual. Do you know who Deidre Flint is? She reminds me of Phoebe with her songs! ::cries:: Damn you people who decided to cancel Friends—DAMN you!!!  
  
**kneh13**: Sorry! My computer sometimes decides to be the biggest butt in the world (I'm so mature) and not e-mail me all the reviews. I just hit the monitor really hard, just for you, and it almost fell off the desk. Heehee.  
  
**kateydidnt**: I actually disagree. I think that Harry would be more likely to react to Draco—especially after his screaming spree in the fifth book. But I suppose to each his/her own. But I agree that Draco thinks he's more important to Harry then he really is. That's just his attitude—thinking he's all important. But, hey, that's why I love him!  
  
**Straycat**: Heehee, sarcasm and humor—the only things I can write! Honest, I tried with all my heart to write some angsty stuff—I listened to depressing music (Evanescence, obviously), I thought about horrible things, and my writing turned out cliché and actually kind of laughable. So, alas, I realized I am not here to make people cry. ::depressed sigh:: ps- sorry that your name's all messed up (with the 'a' and everything), but this new edit thing for documents on fanfic is f-ed up.

* * *

A/N: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :) 


	4. Draco's Love Child

* * *

Disclaimer: You know the drill, but for all those newbies, let me summarize: Me own nothing. J.K. Rowling own everything. You no sue.

* * *

Chapter 4: Draco's Love Child  
  
"Um, Harry, hi." Ginny said awkwardly, taking one large step away from Draco.  
  
"Potter, sorry you had to see me snog your girlfriend like that," Draco said with mocking shame. "But, its better you find out now that you won't be invited to the wedding." Ginny gave him a horrorstruck look. "I just proposed, and little Weasley here accepted."  
  
Harry just stared at him, looking just as shocked as Ginny. Then he opened his mouth—but instead of the profanities Draco expected, Harry yelled the worst word known to man.  
  
"RON!"  
  
Draco's heart stopped. Having Ron Weasley come downstairs to hear that he, Draco Malfoy, was snogging his sister and—supposedly—marrying her as well, was not a happy situation at all. Ron had grown quite a bit stronger over the years, and Draco no longer had Crabbe and Goyle to protect him. Those two were probably off at some Death Eaters meeting right then—lucky bastards.  
  
Before Draco could think of an escape plan, Ron and his shag partner Hermione came down the stairs and stood next to Harry.  
  
"What's up?" Ron asked, his eyes going from Draco to Ginny, and back again.  
  
"I just caught your sister snogging Malfoy." Harry said. Ron's face went scarlet and he seemed so full of rage that his wee little brain couldn't string two words together. "And they're getting married."  
  
This was it—Draco's last moments. He wondered wildly if he was going to hell, or if his past few hours of being relatively nice would get him to heaven. Taking a deep breath, Draco closed his eyes right as Ron started barreling toward him. He cringed, waiting for the pain of the punch. He hoped it was in the stomach—his face was far too pretty to be stained with blood.  
  
Clenching his teeth, Draco felt a puff if air in his face... was that it? Was he dead? Draco opened his eyes tentatively; curious to see whether he was in hell or not.  
  
Yep, he was in hell. Well, to be more specific, he was in Tonks' kitchen. Ron had blown right past him and was now glaring down at Ginny.  
  
"Ginny!" he screamed right in her face. "How many times have I told you that Malfoys are dirty, filthy bastards?!"  
  
"Too many." Ginny replied coolly.  
  
"Um, Ron?" Hermione said quietly. Ron turned his head just enough to look at her. "Dirty and filthy mean the same thing..." he glared. "...just thought you should know..."  
  
Ron turned back to Ginny, acting—as many did—that Hermione wasn't there.  
  
"And now you're marrying one!" Ron continued; spit flying out of his mouth.  
  
Ginny rolled her eyes, wiped her face, and took a step back.  
  
"You don't honestly believe this rubbish, do you Ron?" she asked loudly. She seemed a lot more confident when being accused of something by her brother rather then Harry. Apparently the shock had worn off.  
  
"Harry saw you two himself!" Ron yelled. "And it'd be just like Malfoy to ruin our family by adding himself to it."  
  
"Fine, Ron," Ginny said, throwing up her arms in defeat. "You're right. You're right! Draco and I _are_ getting married. And you know why? Because he got me pregnant!" she yelled, pointing at Draco.  
  
If Draco had a chair, he'd sink down into it. Ron's glowering eyes were burning through him, and all he could manage was a weak smile.  
  
"That's right, he knocked me up!" Ginny continued, putting on quite a show. "And all I ask, dear brother, is for your blessing. But you can't even give me that, can you! Well, _fine_! I'll just run off and live in the Malfoy Manor then, and have loads of blonde, snotty kids!"  
  
The room went dead quiet. Ron was staring wide eyed and open mouthed at Ginny, as were Hermione and Harry. Ginny glared at Ron, trying to hide a grin produced from her magnificent performance. And Draco, for the hundredth time that day, was searching desperately for an exit.  
  
"Hey, you lot!" came Tonks' voice from upstairs. All heads turned toward the sound. "Time to go upstairs so the grownups can use the kitchen for our meeting!"  
  
"Ah, shit." Draco muttered. He hesitantly trudged up stairs with the rest, definitely regretting ever being born.  
  
As the group passed all of the Order members who were filing down into to kitchen, Draco spotted Tonks who was—surprise surprise—talking to Bill Weasley.  
  
"Tonks," Draco said quietly, pulling on her arms. She turned her blushing face away from Bill's and practically glared at Draco.  
  
"What do you want?" Tonks asked with annoyance, nodding her head just slightly toward Bill with a look in her eyes that said, 'Go away, I'm getting me some booty.' "_What do you want_?" she asked, more harshly this time.  
  
"Well, not Bill, if that's what you're thinking." Draco said with mocking surprise. "I know who he belongs to." He added in a knowing whisper, wagging his eyebrows at Tonks.  
  
"Anyways," Draco continued. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to be in my bedroom, so come and get me when you're ready to set me on fire."  
  
"But Harry and all them are—oh," she said, suddenly realizing what he was hinting at. "No, absolutely not."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You need to make friends, be accepted, you know—the whole charade." Tonks said carelessly. "I refuse to come and get you for the initiation if you're not in their room."  
  
"Fine," Draco said stubbornly, crossing his arms. "I don't wanna be in your stupid club anyway."  
  
"Fine. Then you'll just be kicked out of this house and have to go to a place where white masks and black cloaks are definitely in style, as is body paint on the lower left arm." She said pointedly, making sure that Bill couldn't hear her.  
  
Draco opened his mouth, closed it, stomped his foot in rage, and then said loudly so that Bill could hear, "Fine! You just go and marry Bill then!" Tonks' mouth dropped open. "But I hope you know that this means that Ginny and I will have to break our engagement because we'd technically be related, and that's just _sick_!"  
  
With a flip of his nonexistent hair, Draco stomped up the stairs dramatically, leaving everyone left in the room agape, and both Tonks and Bill blushing like mad.  
  
His drama queen mood wearing off, Draco walked mournfully toward the room Harry and Friends were waiting. Maybe he should just go back to his Death Eating ways. He would look smashing with a tattoo...  
  
But the sounds of yelling attracted his attention, and he simply just _had_ to figure out who was angry this time.  
  
Draco opened the door in the middle of Ron shouting at Ginny, "And he's not even good looking!"  
  
"Oh, don't be too hard on Potter, now." Draco said, leaning against the doorframe and smirking. He figured that if Ron killed him, he'd just be doing Draco a favor, so why not mock him as much as possible before the sweet release of death?  
  
"You snobby, spoiled, disgusting, insensitive, rich little rat," Ron growled, walking toward Draco.  
  
"Now that it totally out of line," Draco said, holding up his hands. "I'm not rich."  
  
Everyone in the room looked at him oddly.  
  
"Okay, so I am rich." Draco sighed. "But it's not as if I walk around sipping martinis and saying things like, 'top notch!' and 'jolly good!'"  
  
Everyone continued to stare before Ron sputtered, "What the hell are you going on about, Malfoy?"  
  
"And I'm not insensitive either," Draco continued. "Just ask your little shagging buddy, Weasley. I comforted her when you'd been a bloody bastard."  
  
Ron turned to Hermione, who muttered, "'Comforted' is a bit of a stretch."  
  
"Is it my fault if you don't understand sarcasm?" Draco sighed, looking at Hermione.  
  
"Merlin," Ron exclaimed, turning back to Draco. "Are you going to deny the rest of the things I called you too?"  
  
"Well," Draco said thoughtfully. "Snobby? Yes. And I am quite spoiled—but, honestly, when father can buy the best... As for disgusting, I suppose that's your own twisted opinion. But, honestly Weasley, _you_ calling _me_ disgusting? Bit of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?"  
  
Draco wasn't sure which thing it was he said that caused Ron to snap. But, whatever it was, it apparently was so insulting that Ron felt that Draco needed to be punished by being placed under his armpit.  
  
"Real classy, Weasley," Draco choked out, his face turning slightly blue from the headlock Ron had him in.  
  
"I'd think twice if I were you, Weasley." Came a cold voice from the doorway—voice that Draco had come to love, because it always brought detentions for the Gryffindors with it.  
  
"Professor," Hermione said breathlessly, staring at Snape. 'Honestly,' Draco thought, trying not to black out. 'Just shag him already.'  
  
"Five hundred points from Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley, for placing Mr. Malfoy so dangerously close to your private parts." Snape said silkily, glancing down at the position of Draco's head before fixing his beady eyes back on Ron.  
  
"But... but we're not in school anymore, Professor." Ron said, slightly puzzled but not loosening his hold on Draco.  
  
"Fine," Snape said, whipping out his wand. For one glorious second, Draco thought he was going to jinx Ron. But Snape simply said, "_Accio wallet_!"  
  
Ron's wallet flew out of his back pocket and into the professor's open palm. "If I can't take five hundred points, then I shall take five hundred Galleons."  
  
"But—but sir! I don't have five hundred Galleons!" Ron said, finally letting go of Draco in surprise. Draco stumbled back, coughing slightly as he rubbing his neck and shook his head slightly, trying to make all of the floating dots go away.  
  
"Then I shall confiscate the wallet as well." Snape said, putting it in a pocket inside of his robe. Draco smirked, his smug confidence back again.  
  
"Now, all of you, downstairs. Dumbledore wants you initiated—Merlin knows why. You've all proved countless times that you'll be of absolutely no help to anyone, especially the Order." Snape said coldly, ushering them out of the room. "But I suppose all great things must come crashing down at one time or another."  
  
Snape led Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Draco down into the kitchen, leaving Ginny up in the room with Cathryn, who had recently appeared out of no where. As Draco walked down the stairs, he could still hear Ginny's screams.  
  
"What the hell do you mean I'm not old enough to join the Order?!" she screeched at them as they descended the stairs. "I'm more mature mentally then any of those gits! You'll regret this, Professor Snape!"  
  
Snape simply glared at nothing, shouting that she had a detention waiting for her when she got back to school.  
  
The initiation was basically like any other; human sacrifices, drinking goat blood, donning war paint. And, to Draco's great surprise, no fire was used—unless you count the flames on the end of Dumbledore's baton.  
  
Of course, this was just the version of the initiation that Draco told Ginny and any other idiots who would listen. In all reality, this is what took place.  
  
"Do you solemnly swear to not be evil for the rest of your stay in the Order?" Dumbledore asked as each applicant raised their right hand. Everyone agreed—Draco more hesitantly then the rest. But with one look at his new 'friends', Draco knew that it was much easier to annoy them when he was on the same side as them then when he wasn't—and that was all the convincing he needed.  
  
_Fin  
_

* * *

First of all, I'd like to say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JELLY BEANS BEWARE....KINDA!!!!!  
  
**Foags**: No need to hate me but really just love me in an insanely jealous way, I didn't see Tom Felton. ::sob:: But, when I was on the subway my first day, I could have sworn that it was Tom who sat across from me. I mean, blonde-ish brown hair, beautiful eyes, and the cutest smile I've ever seen. But, alas, it was just some British dude who looked like him. ::depressed sigh:: Oh, and have fun in Colorado!  
  
**Jelly beans beware**: Sorry, no early update. I'm totally anal retentive when it comes to updating on a certain date, and old habits die hard. ::sigh:: But happy late birthday! As for all of those meaningless questions; as meaningless as they so obviously were, they made me think—which is very odd during the summer. Why is 'abbriviated' such a long word? Hm....  
  
**Straycat**: heehee, I like your version of the Mother Goose rhyme! Much better then the real one. By the way, I am so unbelievably jealous that you can write drama. I recently tried to be deep and meaningful again, but then I read it over and was like, "Dude! No one wants to read this piece of poo!" Alas, angst is not my forte.   
  
**Herbie**: lol, yea! I'm spreading Deidre Flint to the people!... I was actually considering having Hermione snog Draco instead of Ginny, but then I came to my senses and was like, "Dude, just—just, no. Just no." Cause, ya know, Fire and Ice so TOTALLY beats Leather and Libraries!!! ::dreamy sigh:: How I love HP ship names....  
  
**Swishy Willow Wand**: Hooray!!! Swishy Willow Wand/Turkey!!! That review was long awaited. How did you know? I'm glad you like my story—too bad this is the last chapter, eh? All well, I'm sure we'll meet again, Turkey!  
  
**zeldagrl436**: heehee, well, there ya go, that's what Harry's gonna do—call Ron. Typical Harry, eh? I mean, honestly, he's such a snitch. I also just had him call Ron cause I just like Ron better then Harry. Plus, Ron's way more fun to write, cause he gets mad sooooo easily. Heehee, it's funny. ::shrugs:: I'm easily amused.  
  
**kneh13**: Yea! I totally support computer abuse. I mean, it's not illegal yet, so why not smack your computer around a bit? No harm done. Though, it showed me your review for this chapter—so, no beating today. ::sigh::  
  
**kateydidnt**: I have to disagree with you again. First, the Tom comment he made minutes before doesn't count, because she was complaining about him before. Plus, he never actually did anything to Ginny in particular. He did insult Hermione, Ron, and Harry, but never Ginny (in the books, at least). You don't really like Draco, do you? Why are you reading a fic about him, then?  
  
**AandKerock**: heehee, thanks! Glad I can make you laugh—seeing as that's what my job is...kinda. I'm not paid...maybe I should look into that...hmmm...  
  
**Paige**: It is so weird that you said I should write a screenplay version of "Perks," cause my mom was just telling me and my sister that we should write a screenplay together since she wants to be an actress and I want to be an author. It'd be a bit like the Good Will Hunting thing for Matt Damon and Ben Affleck...hmm, I'll have to bring the idea up to my sister!  
  
**Blatant Discontent**: You are so lucky—I wish I had a laptop so I could stay up late and read stories in my room!!!... I know that wasn't the point of your review, but I'm so jealous I just had to bring it up! ::ahem:: Anyways, glad you liked the kid, and I am soooo happy that I finally got someone IC! That's so not likely when I'm writing.  
  
**bigsmile737**: Thanks! I did have fun in England, but, unfortunately, I didn't spot any of the Harry Potter people. ::tear:: That would've been so cool! Though, I suppose they're filming right now, so they wouldn't be wandering the streets in front of my hotel per usual. ::sigh::  
  
**shelly2**: heehee, thank you! This is the last chapter ::tear:: I should just start writing really random chapters about Draco eating porridge or something just so I can add to this story and talk to you guys some more! Wouldn't you simply love chapters about porridge eating?  
  
**Actrez**: I'm so proud of you for using a British word in conversation! I think that the British vocabulary has a much wider selection of insults then the American, so we should be allowed to mix and match! Have fun lighting and write some more!!!  
  
**Samilia**: ::giggles back::  
  
**Merit Somnia**: I do do things a bit faster then I should. It's such a bad habit! I just have certain things that I want to get to, and so I skip over parts I should write more on. ::dramatic sigh:: All well, I'm glad you liked it!  
  
**phredtheflyingmonkey**: heehee, I just cant get over the wonderfulness of your name! I want to make a song about it. Hmm... too bad I'm sucky at rhyming. But that shant hold me back! I WILL write a song about phredtheflyingmonkey if it's the last thing I do!!! ::dramatic, empowering music::

* * *

This is the end  
  
There is no more  
  
Until I meet  
  
That bear once more  
  
...er...what? 


End file.
